Me and my husband are both pretty sick this week with strep throat. I’m not a graceful patient when I’m sick, but my husband just melts into whatever bed or couch is near, and that usually means a crowbar will be necessary to excavate him from the area. Both children, however, are well. Which translates roughly to “we have all this energy to break things and kill each other and mom and dad aren’t gonna do anything about it! mwahahahahaha!!”
Right now, my 8 month old is just hanging out under the dining room table. Normally, I’d have gone to “rescue” her from a situation she doesn’t want remedied, but right now, just hang out there. I’ll throw a blanket over & you can have a fort. I’ll be over here popping DayQuil like it’s candy while you’re at it. Mommy needs this, shortstack.
My 2.5 year old is still in bed. It’s inching up on 11am, but I don’t care. I know it means by tonight that I’ll have pulled all my hair out when bedtime came and went like a leaf in the breeze, phasing no child here. But right now, I’m taking a break, before my sick patience gets tested every 3 seconds. The good news is, I have no voice, so I can’t feel guilty for yelling. Because I can’t. Even when I want to. I can’t tell if that’s a victory or defeat.
Back in the day of childless abandon, I used to grab a couple NyQuil at bedtime and pretend I was queen of my bed for ridiculous amounts of time. That is no longer an option. You see, with children, they do strange things in the night that need tended to. For example, last night, as I’m exhausted, reverting to my inner cavewoman, and snotting from basically every hole in my face, L decided to take a couple laps around the house while yelling “Mommy!!” at 330am. Totally cool. You see, if I’d been doped out on NyQuil, I’d have missed that amazing opportunity to lose more sleep than even necessary. And that’s just not going to work. R also decided to just sit straight up in her crib at 2am and try to play for an hour. Because I wake up randomly at 3am & decide to go for a bike ride. It’s a thing people do (I’m side-eyeing as hard as I’ve ever side-eyed in my life).
Now that the day is ramping up to start getting chaotic, I’m going to employ what I consider to be one of my best mom tools on a day like this: Daniel Tiger on Netflix. Because the more he sings stupid songs that I’ll know until I’m 97, the less talking/moving I have to do. Which is basically what I’m about right now… My husband is at work, so I have to figure out this sick with kids thing on my own today, which basically just means I can’t go “that’s awesome, bet Daddy would like to hear all about that!” But good ol’ DT is going to get me by. He’s my best tiger friend right now.
And coffee. Sick or not, you’ll have to pry my coffee cup from my cold, dead hands.
Excuse me while I convince the children that Mommy CAN actually see them through her closed eyelids. Because this plague is going to be the end of me.