“Don’t you want to try for a boy?”

This question comes up for us fairly often. We’re done having babies (because… that’s our business), so the short answer is NO. But the long one is… well… long.

I dislike this question for a great many reasons, but I’ll give you my top two.

One, this implies that when we found out R was going to be our second girl, it was anything less than we wanted. You see, when we tried for R, we were trying for a BABY. Not a boy or a girl. Just a baby. She was the perfect addition to our family from the very start. She is the utter and complete opposite of L in almost every way. She’s given us a lot of learning moments that we never had with L. She’s been a challenging baby, but she’s perfect just as herself. As a parent, I can’t understand the idea that someone should find one or the other anything less than perfect. They’re your child, and that’s it.

Two, and this is more of a social conscience issue, is that essentially, you’re saying that my girls are only here to eventually fall into the gender role of a girl, and therefore, I’m missing out on things like t-ball, playing in the mud, playing with toy cars and tractors and other “boy” activities. I can assure you, we are not that household. Should my girls choose to play football or race dirt bikes, I will encourage them to the greatest of my abilities. Conversely, if I’d had two boys, they’d be equally welcome to play with dolls, wear pink & enjoy Disney Princesses. It also implies that a second girl is inferior to a boy, which sits horribly for me. My girls are just as capable of being engineers or athletes or rocket scientists. They’re capable of enjoying any number of things that don’t fit into their “traditional” gender role. The only thing I would say that they’re incapable of is contributing to the amount of pee that misses the toilet, if you catch my drift.

I’m also perfectly cool with hand-me-downs & having a built-in friend to rely on. Having two girls has some decided benefits.

So how am I missing out by not adding a boy to the mix?

I know that most aren’t saying this to be rude, but it still comes across as very odd to me that anyone should care. Our perfect family is different from other families. That’s cool with us and should be cool with other people.

Our girls will always be the perfect amount of children (and chaos) for me, and our family feels complete. To me, that’s more than enough reason not to want to try for a boy. This feels right for us. And so it must be.


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